Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Feeling a little out of sorts.

Did you know I'm Superwoman?  Amazing isn't it?

I hear frequently how "amazing" I am and how people don't know how I do what I do.  The thought going through my head is, "not very well."

I'm busy.  Not just 5 kids busy.  I'm church busy (I go and I'm VERY involved), homeschool busy (2 kids one with a vision issue that makes reading a nightmare), blackberry farmer busy (gas and a match and that problem could be gone-Hahaha), homemaker busy, computer addict busy, procrastinator busy.  

In all of my busyness I feel like I'm losing myself.  I don't do much for me anymore.  Getting a haircut is verging on impossible.  I only talk to a handful of friends (that I'm not related to).  Time away for me has become a solo trip to Wal-Mart.

What it really comes down to is I'm burned out.  Something has to change.  I need a hobby or something that is selfishly mine and I need to be okay with it.

Now for the hard part.  As of August my 2 oldest will go to public school instead of being homeschooled.  This has been one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.  I don't think this will be permanent, as of now I think it will only be for 1-2 years.  I need a break.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in homeschooling completely.  I have struggled teaching V, because of what we now know is a vision issue, not dyslexia.  Teaching her is like working with a very in depth 1st grader.  There is no, "Read the directions and do the assignment." or "Read this and we'll discuss it when you are done."

We are currently driving into Tulsa 2 times a week for vision therapy.  She will finish in late June.  We are seeing improvement, but through this I've lost me.  It's time to find me again.

The debate

Okay so I'm actually debating whether to make the blog go dark now (invite only viewers).  I do have reasons for doing that, but instead I may just become a little bit more vague.  I'll let you know.  Facebook is being completely deleted Thursday.  I have so much to catch up on here.  I post little snippets there all day and nothing ends up here.  My roll call of life gets lost, b/c naturally Facebook doesn't keep every status update I've ever posted. This blog is going to change just a little.  I may post FB type updates with my longer journal posts.  I may even take the time to categorize my posts (you know in my spare time).  We shall see.