Saturday, April 19, 2008

Why is change so hard?

I know we live in an instant gratification society. We all want it like Burger King (our way) and we all want it now. I'll be honest there are many things I would like to change about myself, unfortunately I'm a little too Scarlet O'Hara (Gone With the Wind), and I'll think about it tomorrow.

Change comes in many forms and for many reasons. There is the sudden change. Often it comes unexpectedly. There is no preparation, just BAM! There you have it. We have to adjust and attempt to reconcile what has happened and move on immediately.

There is uncertain change. You have several avenues with which your life can travel. There is time and thought and a process. The outcome still has the unexpected, but it's the process of getting to the outcome that seems to be the hardest.

Long term change requires perseverance and time. The outcome is kind of known, but whether we stay the course is the uncertain part.

This has been on my mind for a little while. I've been thinking of the many faces of change. Changes I've wanted that have never come. Changes I question.

Reading Tiffany's blog and then thinking of the fire scares in my own neighborhood this week really brought sudden change to my mind. As I sat in my house without power I thought of things, like what do I take if there is a fire? My mind came up with nothing, except my kids, my camera, my car keys and the dog. Then what? I don't know, I hope I never do.

These past couple of months have been weird at J's office. Changes people "knew" would happen did and didn't happen. More changes will happen. Then what? I'm not sure and I'm not going into anymore detail until that time. Right now I just wish I knew. If life is going to take a different direction I just would like to know what it is, so we can get on with it. I'm sooo impatient.

My thought on long term change are simple. Why am I so lazy that I never change? I've been blessed in many ways. I've broken habits, but I've held on to many. I fortunately don't have to try to have the figure I have, but I feel unhealthy (sluggish, cranky, tired). My attitude stinks, my prayer time is unfocused, I have an Internet addiction (ya, so why am I on here). I lack consistency. I'm afraid to fail. If I don't see that I will succeed I just roll over before I begin.

The one thing that I know is constant in the face of all change is God. I've got to step up to the plate and make the change to hand my uncertainties over to him. Will I do it? In this situation I can honestly say, "God only knows." Yep, he's the only one who knows what changes abound in my life.

I just wish change was easier.


Aaron said...

I agree with every single thing you said here. Especially the last two paragraphs.

My self-motivation is just about zilch for the big changes that I know I need to make.

Jeremy said...

I absolutely loved this blog post. I hope there are more like it to come.