Feeling a little out of sorts.

Did you know I'm Superwoman?  Amazing isn't it?

I hear frequently how "amazing" I am and how people don't know how I do what I do.  The thought going through my head is, "not very well."

I'm busy.  Not just 5 kids busy.  I'm church busy (I go and I'm VERY involved), homeschool busy (2 kids one with a vision issue that makes reading a nightmare), blackberry farmer busy (gas and a match and that problem could be gone-Hahaha), homemaker busy, computer addict busy, procrastinator busy.  

In all of my busyness I feel like I'm losing myself.  I don't do much for me anymore.  Getting a haircut is verging on impossible.  I only talk to a handful of friends (that I'm not related to).  Time away for me has become a solo trip to Wal-Mart.

What it really comes down to is I'm burned out.  Something has to change.  I need a hobby or something that is selfishly mine and I need to be okay with it.

Now for the hard part.  As of August my 2 oldest will go to public school instead of being homeschooled.  This has been one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.  I don't think this will be permanent, as of now I think it will only be for 1-2 years.  I need a break.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in homeschooling completely.  I have struggled teaching V, because of what we now know is a vision issue, not dyslexia.  Teaching her is like working with a very in depth 1st grader.  There is no, "Read the directions and do the assignment." or "Read this and we'll discuss it when you are done."

We are currently driving into Tulsa 2 times a week for vision therapy.  She will finish in late June.  We are seeing improvement, but through this I've lost me.  It's time to find me again.

The debate

Okay so I'm actually debating whether to make the blog go dark now (invite only viewers).  I do have reasons for doing that, but instead I may just become a little bit more vague.  I'll let you know.  Facebook is being completely deleted Thursday.  I have so much to catch up on here.  I post little snippets there all day and nothing ends up here.  My roll call of life gets lost, b/c naturally Facebook doesn't keep every status update I've ever posted. This blog is going to change just a little.  I may post FB type updates with my longer journal posts.  I may even take the time to categorize my posts (you know in my spare time).  We shall see.

Going Dark

I am going to make the blog by invite only. I am going to reactivate my e-mail on here so let me know if you want an invite. This blog will go private at the end of March

I will be deleting my Facebook account at the end of March as well, so the blog WILL get more love. I am spending too much time on there and the only way to stop that is to get rid of it.

HAPPY CHANUKAH!

For those of you who don't know, I love Neil Diamond. Blame my mother.

Today my sister called to tell me she just heard Neil Diamond cover Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song.

I of course came home and looked it up and I laughed.

ENJOY!

Pppssstt

Yep, that's my kid.

That was what she thought of her first Monday. ;P

Actually we had a good day, she was just hungry and kept sticking her tongue out. I kept taking pictures until she started crying.

C.A.R's

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars

Gary Numan-Cars

or

Caroline Amelia Ritchie

She was born on 11/11/09 at 8:08 pm. She weighed 8 pounds even and was 20 inches long. Those are just the statistics. Her story is much more entertaining.

C.A.R. was due Monday, November 2nd and we had 3 false alarms and trips to the hospital before she arrived. I had made little progress in the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy.

This pregnancy was not normal, because I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). These are hard to find doctors to preform, because of malpractice insurance costs. I found one doctor in Tulsa who preforms them, and his office and the hospital are 50 miles from our house.

The last 3 weeks of my pregnancy I made little progress. I was sitting at a 2 and just hanging out there. I was at a 3 at my last appointment Wednesday, November 11 at 4:30 and 9 days past my due date. He wasn't going to let me go much longer (I was to call Thursday afternoon to set something up if she hadn't come). My doctor got me to a 4, stripped my membranes and I left.

I drove home, picked up the baby sitter and took her home. I felt a little cruddy. I drove through the drive through at Goldie's and ordered dinner and went to the QT to get drinks. I went back and picked up the food and told my sister (who I was on the phone with) that I felt bad and shouldn't be driving. This was shortly after 6pm.

I went home and started feeding the kids, I called Jonathan and Nancy (who was going to watch the kids). I ate what I could and got in the car as soon as JR arrived. We began our drive south on Highway 75. We had been taking Bradley Childbirth classes in preparation to have the baby unmedicated. I was breathing through my contractions and trying to relax.

About 20 minutes south I had a normal contraction...the next one I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to push. I screamed at Jonathan to stop in the next town at one of the hospitals, because I needed to push and we were 15 minutes away. I knew I couldn't make it to south Tulsa.

I knew if I tensed it would slow labor. I sat, tensed and screamed with each contraction, "GOD! PLEASE KEEP THIS BABY IN!"

Jonathan jumped on the phone and called a guy from work and asked him to call the hospital and for them to have a gurney ready at the ER. He turned on his hazard lights and drove at about 100 mph until we reached the hospital. Jeff (the guy from work) and his wife jumped in their car and followed our path to make sure we weren't delivering on the side of the road.

We arrived in the ER and they didn't have anyone there to get me. Jonathan caused a huge scene (thankfully). They didn't think I would be that critical...they were wrong. After the scene JR caused an ER doctor took me to the OB department before they could get me (JR later went down and apologized).

I got into the room and JR and a nurse got me into a gown and on the bed. They barely got an IV port in my arm and the doctor came in. She put on her gloves and told me to hang on for just a minute so she could break my water and then she was ready for me to push. Caroline weighed about 1 1/4 pounds more than my biggest baby (Jackson 6 pounds 12 ounces).

I had my unmedicated baby and I honestly wish I'd had the others that way. It was so much better. I was ready to walk less than an hour later. I went to church today. I have moments of feeling a little tired and sore, but nothing compares to the shock of the drugs wearing off and feeling like you've been hit by a train. As soon as she was out, the hit by a train feeling began wearing off.

Caroline is sweet, alert, beautiful and a ravenous eater. It seems appropriate that her initials spell C.A.R. since we were concerned that she was going to be born in the car. Jonathan was ready to deliver if he had to, he never thought he would ever say that.

The kids are all adapting to her well and they seem to love her a lot.

Life is good and God is great...now I think I'll take a nap. Delivery went well, and I feel okay, but I'm still human.

I am second.

I know it's OU/Texas weekend. Here is a great video, and I have more respect for both of these guys now.

BREAKING NEWS!

Obama wins the Heisman Trophy after watching a college football game!!!

Okay, there is your bad joke for the day. I've been sitting on it since Monday and just felt I should share.

Ch-ch-changes

Hi! How are you?

Oh, me? I'm fine, just tired and pregnant.

What's new? Oh, gee where do I begin.

We've potty trained the twins and more or less been 50/50 on our success. I've never failed at an aspect of potty training a kid in a day before. Alas, the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day was not meant to be executed on twins at the same time. They are too distracted by their "friend". It would be okay if Owen would stop pooping and then pulling his pants down and leave a treat on the floor or in the yard. I'm so glad hard wood cleans up easily.

The homeschool year began about a month ago (the Tuesday after Labor Day). All in all it's been okay. Jackson was so excited, until he realized that kindergarten was coloring, glue sticks, safety scissors and playing. That was already life. He thought there was more too it. He's okay with it know.

Jonathan's job is interesting, things keep changing and there are times when it's great and times of frustration just like all jobs. One major change may come at the beginning of next year. Our family may move to Shanghai, China for 6 months to a year. I am a creature driven by change and I don't think things could be more different than China. It's not official, it could fall through, but an expat package has been requested for our consideration. We'll see what happens.

The baby is due Nov 2nd. That's less than a month away. My weight gain has stalled. She still doesn't have a name (doesn't Number Five have a nice ring to it j/k). My crazy nesting has gone on hiatus as my movement is getting more difficult. I'm not emptying cabinets and filling holes with steel wool and caulking gaps in my 110 year old kitchen. I did take a lot of stuff to charity instead of having a yard sale.

As my nesting has slowed, Jonathan's has picked up. We have removed carpet from 2 upstairs bedrooms, the upstairs hall and the front stairs. We will sand next weekend and begin varnishing the floors. Yes, I will varnish, but I will use a respirator to filter the air I breath. It's easy. It will be me an can of varnish, a paintbrush and sitting on the floor. No big deal. We will refinish the floors we just removed the carpet from and the floors where carpet has been removed in the past in our room and the sun room. Yes, we are crazy, don't ask.

We are doing Bradley Classes and Jonathan is coaching me. We are planning on having this baby without drugs.

That is a pretty quick summary of life at our house right now. I'll keep you posted as more crazy is guaranteed to occur.

Owen doesn't have a heart made out of stone...

...but definitely a head made out of stone.

Owen ran at me and crashed into my cheek bone with his head at full speed. I immediately saw stars and began crying. Not little tears mind you, but tears of unbearable pain, which rarely ever happens to me. He just grabs his head and says, "Sorry! Sorry!" and begins jumping on the bed like it's a trampoline. His head has to be made of stone. I honestly believe I will be bruised by morning. I've had to ice my cheek bone to reduce the swelling.

This of course caps off a long day. On rare occasions JR works late, and when I mean late we're talking past midnight to 2am. Those nights involve me calling him frequently at his desk to insure he is still awake with periodic calls for prayer at difficult spots in whatever has the deadline the next morning, and a late call to talk him home. They only happen a few times a year and they are always inevitable. They are the deadline that closely follows another one, so that no matter what, he has that one night that makes him want to sleep in Friday and take a long hot bath when he wakes and hide from the kids until at least noon. It might not have been so bad except he left the office to be at a doctor's appointment at 3 and sat in the waiting room until almost 5 and didn't get back into his office until shortly before 6. I felt really bad, I've used this doctor before and I've always been in and out in about an hour, of course I always take the first appointment of the day too.

I did do Jonathan one major favor tonight, so his time with the kids before bed is more pleasant tomorrow. I read the sad (someone died) chapter in the book we've been reading at night. At least tomorrow he doesn't have to incur the anguished cries of the kids or deal with the struggle of not crying himself. I'll admit I failed. Yep, I cried and 5 minutes later got bashed in the head.

Good times.

Now I'm going to call and see if JR is asleep at his desk or still chugging along.

Good night.

Poll

Here is a baby name poll.

No names are set in stone. There is still a lot of room for play.

Cast your vote.

Racism?

Honestly, former President Jimmy Carter is lost and irrelevant.

Accusations that people are having dissenting opinions is racially motivated, that is just ignorant, but then again I have rarely found myself in agreement with Carter (and he's a rich white guy...).

33 weeks

I'm in my 33rd week of my 4th pregnancy, with my 5th child. Do I remember week 33 with the first 2? No. Do I remember week 33 with the last 2? Maybe not, but I do remember week 32.

At 32 weeks with the twins I was placed on anti-contraction medication, because I was already dilated to a 2. We managed to hold the boys off until 36 weeks. I had just bought a huge bag of grapefruit and the medication they gave me was usually used for high blood pressure and wouldn't allow me to eat any. That was frustrating. V, J and I had all moved to Norman for the duration of my pregnancy 2 weeks before and we were staying with my mother in 1000 sq feet less than we live in.

It wasn't the easiest time for me. I had gained more weight than any previous pregnancy (I would more than double my most by delivery, gaining 70 lbs). I was starting to experience hip dislocation because of the weight (there is nothing more embarrassing than having to call for help to stand up in the bathroom). My activities were totally limited. I was allowed out of the house about an hour and a half every 2-3 days. That was filled with OB appointments weekly, 2 non stress tests at the hospital a week (usually resulting in an ultrasound), going to the Chiropractor to have my hip put back in and bi-weekly trips to a fetal maternal specialist (with a garaunteed ultrasound).

It was wild and crazy. My husband and mother couldn't understand why I opted to move in with my mom 2 1/2 hours from home to have this baby. Then at the end it made sense, I needed more supervision than I could get at home alone and when the boys ended up in the NICU, I had family to help with the other 2 and the hospital was 10 minutes away instead of 45 or more as it would have been to Tulsa. Jonathan and my mother decided that I had some conversation with God that they missed out on.

The situation doesn't seem real now. There was no nesting, there was just take it easy (without being on bed rest, but darn close).

Currently, I'm nesting like a crazy woman and running like I'm not pregnant (if you can get past the belly and waddle), but that is another story.

What a difference 3 years and only 1 baby makes.

The name game

This kid needs a name. I'm tired of referring to it as "the baby".

I need Girls names. We have narrowed her first name down to 12 contenders, but we couldn't make them work as middle names. I need middle names.

Here is the current list of contenders:

Cordelia-Irish-daughter of the sea

Fiona-Celtic-white, fair

Elizabeth-482 origins (though I would say Hebrew)-God is my Oath

Zeta-English-Rose (Jonathan's)

Andromeda-Greek-beautiful maiden rescued by Perseus (Jonathan's that will never happen in this lifetime, but that I leave on the list to be nice)

Marishka- Russian- I can't find it's meaning again

Ivy-English-Ivy plant (go figure)

Isla-Scottish-island ( again go figure)

Selene-Greek-moon (2nd least favorite)

Amelia-Latin-industrious (I like the meaning more than the name)

Rebecca (Rebekah)- Hebrew-tied (we are uncertain as to how to spell this one)

Katherine-Greek-Pure

If by chance our ultrasound is wrong the baby would be Xavier Hudson Ritchie. Why can't naming a girl be as easy as naming a boy for us.

Now it's time for NAME THAT BABY!

I did pop off and tell Jonathan we should name her Burgundy in honor of our wine making. lol

New posts to come.

I plan to post about our potty training adventure, insanity in nesting, and more. I know it's almost too much excitement for you.

Stay tuned (I have to finish sorting out clothes people have outgrown before I can come out and play).

$5 or $10

I don't give my kids an allowance (even at the age of three). My children have been required to do chores and in turn earn a commission. Thank you Dave Ramsey.

Here is the question of the hour. Victoria and Jackson each earn $5 a week. $1 per chore. Realistically they do more than 5 chores, but they are paid for 5 specifically tailored tasks.

Recently I've fallen off of the wagon of setting a list and paying them, something I am about to rectify.

Should I up V's chore list and her wage from 5 chores to 10 and $5 to $10? It seems fair, she's 9 and Jackson is 5 and she usually does more work around the house on a normal basis.

Downsizing

I'm seriously considering down sizing my Internet presence.

I've already eliminated my neglected (almost unused) twitter and myspace accounts. Now I'm debating eliminating my too frequently used Facebook account. It isn't that I don't like Facebook, it's that I spend too much time on there, being nosey and babbling on my status. In the process my little blog gets neglected. Things I would post here get a few sentence blurb there and they never see the light of day here. I consider the journal here a good indication of life, my thoughts and my family, but records aren't being kept when they are wasted there.

I've attempted deactivating my Facebook, but to reactivate you just log back in. That's far too easy. I may wait until the baby comes so I can alert friends to her arrival, but I haven't decided yet. I also find it strange and frustrating that I have over 350 friends. Yeah, I'm a friendly person and I know a lot of people, but seriously, that is ridiculous. Do most of them really care, or is it just nosiness? I'm leaning toward the latter. I've down graded from over 400. That's just nuts.

For now I will try to pay more attention to my little blog and less to the abyss that is Facebook. I have a feeling I will soon be cutting the Facebook cord though.

The hazards of sweet tea.

My oldest sister learned the hazards of sweet tea the hard way Saturday night. She was boiling water to make it and accidentally poured it over her left hand while putting it in the pitcher.

Needless to say, she burned her hand...really bad. She iced it all night and went to the ER the next day at the recommendation of a pharmacist. She has 2nd degree burns on her left hand. It isn't pretty.

I'm glad it wasn't her right hand.

In typical Jonathan fashion he said he wanted a picture to make the backdrop on his work computer. Being my sis, she reciprocated with a picture on Facebook. All I can say is ouch.

Maybe deep down this is why I don't drink sweet tea.

I'll spare you the picture.

Coffee

As the last post was about caffeine it only seemed appropriate to continue with that theme.

I just started us on the path of Gevelia today.

I picked the coffee maker and coffees and they should arrive in the next couple of weeks. I really do like coffee, but I'm lazy and I long ago got rid of our non-programmable coffee maker. The beauty coming my way is programmable. I will awake to fresh brewed necessity...daily.

I can totally handle that.

Obviously the exhaustion of pregnancy is talking and caffeine feels like my only salvation.

Caffeine after 3

It's 12:11 and I'm still up. I should go to sleep. but I had a cup of coffee around 5.

I'm a genius.